He had one of those small greek statue penises
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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