My balls are so social today.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
