I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
