Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
