I wish I could teleport
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
