can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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