just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
