I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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