that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
