If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
