True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
