He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
