I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
