YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
