I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
