I wish my penis had an off switch
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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