'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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