the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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