If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
