I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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