Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....

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(240): View more from Maryland

Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night

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(941): View more from Florida

Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?

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(410): View more from Maryland

i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.

(443): View more from Maryland

do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?

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(613): View more from Ontario

Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I think I died last night.

(414): View more from Wisconsin

Yeah, you got carried home

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.

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