She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
