you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
