he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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