dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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