why didn't you poke me back
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
