the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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