hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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