I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
