I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The uberlube is also flammable
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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