I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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