On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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