Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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