You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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