I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
