i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
