well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dignity is for republicans.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
