I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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