i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
