I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
