its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
