She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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