Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
