my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
