How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
