I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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