FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
