he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
