Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
