so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
